Friday, June 10, 2016
For awhile now I have been going thru what I call my "Navy Blue Funk" period. This is a time when there is absolutely nothing that is bringing me any kind of joy whatsoever. Getting out of bed every morning is a gigantic decision. Hobbies, that I usually love, have no attraction for me. It is so bad that even my husband, who normally doesn't pay attention to these phases, noticed and asked what was the problem. I couldn't answer him because I don't know what the problem is. I have no interest in anything. I feel like I am just going thru the motions of my day to day life. I feel empty without any direction. I have been praying to God even more intensely than usual for some kind of guidance, some kind of sign of what I am supposed to be doing, what direction I am supposed to be traveling in. I was becoming very discouraged because I was not either hearing or understanding what (I hoped) He was trying to tell me.
This morning was the first morning in almost 2 weeks that it was not cold and rainy, so I took my cup of coffee and my journal and sat on the front deck to enjoy it. As usual, my first actions were to pray to God. I thanked Him for the sunny, non rainy morning and suggested a few more of these would be in order. Then, as usual, I asked Him to help me out of this "navy blue funk" I have been in. I heard a sound coming from the farm across the road and looked up to see the 2 mares, Princess and Tasha, running across the field. They were not running to anything or anyone special, it seemed that they were overcome by this burst of energy and decided to run it out. I watched them for awhile and then walked across the road to the fence to get a closer look. Much to my surprise, they walked over to the fence and stuck their heads thru as if to be petted. Nervous at first, I have never petted a horse before (I know that is an odd thing to admit), I placed my hand on each of their heads and gave them a small caress. For the first time in many weeks, I did not feel the emotions of the mood I had been in. I was happy and content in that one moment when 2 of God's creatures became part of it. I felt that God was telling me that I was pushing too hard to find a direction, that I should just take each moment as it comes and experience it. This was the path He wanted me to take, the one where I see the moments He created around me no matter how small and appreciate what He has given me. Everything else will come when He feels I am ready for it and I need to trust Him to know when that is.
Posted by Ellen Fassbender